Chapter 1 - My Book

Growing up I used to spend a lot of time on the internet. Back then everyone used Compuserve and Aol. And of course all we had was Dialup. We had a brand new Packerd Bell back then. I don't think they even make Packerd Bell anymore. And back then HP computers were known as Hewlett Packerd. I spent a lot of time chatting in chat rooms. I remember one chat room I liked to go in, it was a Haunted House Chat Room. I met this girl Ilana who lived in California, she was bisexual and had a boyfriend. We started chatting and she became my online girlfriend. She sent me pictures of her and we chatted a lot. She was older then me, she was 18 and I was 16. Mom and Dad found out about her and didn't like it. They were gonna take my internet privilages away. They said I was probably chatting to a man and I didn't know who I was chatting with. Which is true it could have been someone else but I was convinced otherwise. I was young and naive. I stopped talking to Ilana eventually because she said her boyfriend found out about us. After that I chatted with other girls online. I spent a lot of time on the computer. Hey at least I wasn't out getting in trouble or doing drugs.
The kids I hung out with in school were kids who lived in my neighborhood and they were younger then me. I didn't get along with kids in my grade. I think mostly because they were more mature then me and the younger kids were on the same maturity level as me. Or it could have been that the younger kids I hung out with accepted me being a lesbian and the kids in my grade didn't, they made fun of me and called me hurtful names. The kids in my grade weren't really my age either but they were still more mature then me. I got held back in second grade so I was always older then the kids in my grade. The group of kids I hung out with were in the grade below me and some were in my sister's grade and a couple were in grades lower than that. I always hung out with the younger kids. They accepted me and didn't care if I was gay or not. They liked who I was and my personality. Some of the kids who came in our group did drugs. I tried it once or twice but never got hooked or addicted to it. I had tried it because I didn't want them to think I was lame but after knowing they did drugs I decided not to hang out with them and they weren't really apart of our group because we didn't do drugs. My group of friends were skaters, goths and outcasts, writers, artists and poets but we all accepted each other.
My best friend was Karen but she was a grade above me and she graduated. Karen and I have been friends since elementary school. We first met on the school bus. Karen was the girl on the bus that never talked, she was very shy. One day i decided I was going to make her talk. So I kept talking to her and being goofy and trying to make her talk. Finally she started laughing at me cos I was being silly. After that we became friends. And I am glad that we are friends. She has been my best friend for over 13 years. Karen was like a sister to me, we did everything together. She used to go everywhere with my family. We would go shopping and go to the malls. We had so much fun as a kids. Things changed when we got older and Karen got married and moved away. Karen just recently in the past couple months got seperated and lives back here in Stuarts Draft with her parents. I went down there with my current partner and love of my life Jen. Jen and I went down there in her VW Bug and got Karen. Man we had the car packed. It was a tight squeeze. It is nice to have Karen back home. I am glad to have Karen home finally. We need to catch up on lost time that we missed. Karen lived in Georgia with her husband for so many yeara and I missed her. I am glad she's back because she seems happier now that she's home. She didn't seem happy living in Georgia. And I never really did like her husband at all.
So since Karen had graduated before me I hung out a lot with my other best friend Jennifer. Jennifer was gothic and she wore white makeup on her face and wore a dozen necklaces. People knew who she was in the neighborhood because she stood out. They would call her names like freak and it pissed me off. I didn't care what Jennifer looked like. I liked her personality and we got along great. We had a lot in common even though she was my sister's age. We were always hanging out and doing this or that together. Our parents talked and would always call each other to check on where we were at. We walked home from school together and we were always walking somewhere.
I miss those days of being a kid and having so much fun, oh the memories. If only I could go back to those days, I would be more appreciative of being a kid and spending time with my friends. I had a good childhood and I was truly blessed. I have great parents who gave me everything they could and sacrificed so much for my sister and I. My parents worked hard so my sister and I could have what we did. Every year before school my parents would take us out to get new clothes and school supplies. Dad would take us out to get brand new shoes. I always had Jordans or Nikes or Reeboks. I remember I had the shoes that pumped up, they were cool and in style back then. Oh and you can't forget the Starter Jackets. I had a Washington Redskins Starter Jacket and my sister Donica had an Atlanta Braves jacket. And do you remember Teddy Ruxpkin? I had one and I loved him. I think I still have him but he doesn't work like he used too. I wonder if they still sell him. They should bring him back cos kids these days would love to play with him. I had such a great childhood.
I used to give my toys away to kids in the neighborhood that didn't have much. I felt bad for them so I wanted them to have something too. I learned to be giving and grateful at a young age. I wasn't a selfish kid well maybe with my sister I was. I am glad and grateful I have a sister. It was nice growing up with my sister, we were inseperable. I love my sister, she has grown to be a fine young woman. She got married to a guy named Mike and they had a daughter named Kaylee. I love my Niece, she is so adorable and she acts just like me. Haha and I love it that she is like me. Donica doesn't like it so much because Kaylee can be a handful sometimes. My mom has a picture of me and I was sitting on the floor and I had pulled all the pots and pans out of the cabinet. Kaylee is famous for pulling all the canned goods out of the cabinet. Lol so like me.
In high school I didn't ever have a relationship with a girl because well there were no other lesbians in my school or around me. No relationship for me unless you count Ilana which was an online relationship. I talked to several girls online but none of them were as serious as Ilana that's why I don't remember them very well. I definitely don't remember names and can't really remember faces either even though I had pictures of them. I don't have those pictures anymore they were on floppy disks which I have no idea where those are. Probably some ex took them which pisses me off.
I hate when people steal my memories. They are mine not yours why the hell do you want them, they are nothing to you but everything to me. Through all my exes and our breakups I have lost so much stuff. Several have kept my stuff and wouldn't give it back others I just left the stuff because I didn't want to go back. I had some bad breakups.
I got my first job at the hospital while I was a junior in high school. I got it through some program for kids who had disabilities. So my first job was in housekeeping at the hospital. At first I liked it and I was happy to have a job. And it was nice to have my own money. Eventually I grew tired of the job. I didn't like cleaning up after others. Plus there's so many germs in a hospital and I wasn't trying to catch anything.